Notes<\/strong><\/p>\nSilvie can be reached here: http:\/\/lemuzic.no, Linkedin: https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/silvie-le-muzic\/<\/p>\n
Louise can be reached here: \/website, linkedin<\/p>\n
Hilary’s work in raising consciousness about Action Research happens at Action Research Plus Foundation.\u00a0 The website has a ton of resources for action researchers: https:\/\/actionresearchplus.com\/what-is-action-research\/<\/p>\n
The book Eros\/Power is available, e.g., at Amazon where the reviews are interesting too! https:\/\/actionresearchplus.com\/review-of-erospower-love-in-the-spirit-of-inquiry-bradbury-and-torbert-2016\/<\/p>\n
Hilary also has a new book How to Action Research for Transformations: https:\/\/actionresearchplus.com\/how-to-action-research-for-transformations-book-hilary-bradbury\/<\/p>\n
Time markers in the recorded conversation:<\/strong><\/p>\n00.03 – Introductions<\/strong>, and the \u00b4What Do Women Want?\u00b4 story as a bridge to discussing Eros\/Power16.16 – International cultures<\/strong>\u00b4 take on reading the book & trying to address the eros\/power themes, what is left unsaid between the sexes – cutting us off from our power, patriarchal structures, thinking and language by conditioning, giving up privilege35.08 – Abiding by gender narrative<\/strong>s, realm of practice in relationships, driving forces for dynamics between genders, wanting all voices to matter, truth-telling, the potential of body-mind, share stories of life where they feel safe, or no transform is available, the idolization of youth, but what about the power of the crone, or hag, or queen, or empress?51.03 – Patriarchy, neoliberalism,<\/strong> complicit or goodies, joining the patriarchy as women, or create spaces of resonance instead of being shut down anxiety, build trust, bring about change by speaking things into being; sovereign in different areas of life, transform through our relationships with the materiality of life; money, food, sex, learn or dare, to speak from our hearts, attuned to what we want to see happen, instead of spending energy on opposition, gather, practice, come together, remind each other 1.12.56 – Hilary\u00b4s new book<\/strong>, 25 years of how do you do Action Research, being a change agent and also a subject of change, new governance, getting things done \u2013 together!1.15.13 – Conduct the way we gather so we walk our talk<\/strong>: The Table meditation, Dr. Lisa Miller\/ Gary Weaver, end of conversation.<\/p>\nLouise reflects:<\/strong> What I am left wondering about after reading this book and the wonderful conversation\/reflection with Silvie and Hilary is about what I want in the world not just for me but for us i.e. men and women. I want this thought to frame my reflection. Within this, I wonder about Ken Gergen\u2019s book \u201cRelational Being: beyond self and community\u201d and a possibility that arose for me when reading it, that we can choose how to respond in dialogue.<\/p>\nWe perform when we engage in dialogue and a performance doesn\u2019t always have to go as it always has. Part of a performance is what is uttered or performed but part is also how it is received and how we choose to interpret it and respond. We engage in \u201cco-action\u201d or co-create meaning together. So, what if interpretation isn\u2019t just about \u201cwhat is\u201d but also about \u201cwhat could be\u201d?<\/p>\n
I could look at this book and choose to merely see it as the way things are between men and women but how would that serve us? It might drive us further apart as we think about differences or lead to blame. I could notice that other women have had similar experiences to me and reinforce \u201ctruths\u201d in my head about what I think \u201creality\u201d is between men and women.<\/p>\n
Maybe I could deny my potential power to create something different and instead give it all to you to create the meaning for me which is easy to do if you are used to experiencing powerlessness. I could resort to silence and not speak because I assume that this is just how things are. Maybe also this comes from the earlier stages of action logics and their associated types of power as discussed in the book. But maybe instead I could choose to orient towards this book with a hope that might allow me to interpret in the moment with a future direction in mind and move into later stages of action logics. As the introduction in the book invites \u201ctoo often a screaming silence holds us captive at this very intersection where instead creativity, love, curiosity and openness could thrive.\u201d<\/p>\n
This book invites us to reflect and engage in mutual inquiries together. It invites us to lean into our experiences (happy and\/or painful) together and learn from our co-reflections. As we discuss in the recorded conversation, for me there is also something in this about \u201cdeep\u201d understanding. By this I mean, being with each other and accepting of ourselves and others exactly as we are in any given moment.<\/p>\n
So, in terms of \u201cwhat could be\u201d with this book, I wonder about how it could help us (women and men) to move towards deeper understandings via our co-reflections and noticing within ourselves as we do this. Developing myself on a continuous basis so I can \u201cbe with\u201d for us. So, we can both feel deeply understood by ourselves and each other and learn within that process. I feel the need here to also express appreciation for some special conversations that I have had over the past few months with the EUSG\/Louis Klein and Tamkeen which invited me to deepen my noticing about \u201cunderstanding\u201d. I wonder if we can deeply understand, if we don\u2019t experience understanding within ourselves for ourselves first? I am far from perfect in terms of trying to deeply understand. At times, when I read this book and heard the stories inside, I feel sad to say that my initial reaction was judgement. And I know that part of the reason for this is because there are parts of me that I judge too. I realised that these are the moments that I really needed to pay attention to as they often indicate things in me that needed to heal or be examined or questioned. I notice that the judging stops me from going deeper and if I want to reflect then I need to move past that.<\/p>\n
How do we instead bring compassion to these moments for ourselves and others? Where I feel pain how do I firstly hold myself in that and honour my own experiences? And how then can I potentially support learning from my pain and remain open? For me this comes about from deeply listening and being compassionate with my own pain, being a friend to it so that it can feel heard and settle. But as the book asks \u201chow does one succeed in interacting mutually when both parties have experienced emotional traumas to which they themselves cannot yet give voice?\u201d<\/p>\n
How do we know what we don\u2019t know? We don\u2019t know but maybe we can notice how we react and or what we see in our co-reflections and bring that noticing with us on our inner journeys. I wonder about how we can listen and notice so we can get past these wounds and notice the wisdom beneath. Wisdom that invites learning and a \u201cbeing with\u201d ourselves and each other. I want to share a lesson that my daughter who was about 6 years old at the time taught me. As a mother, I was so frustrated by the fact that I was trying to be the best mother I could be but my daughter wasn\u2019t always listening to me! I had reflected to the point where I had realised that by listening I often meant that she wasn\u2019t doing what I told her to do. Having experienced quite a \u201ccontrolling parent\u201d in my teenage years where I didn\u2019t feel heard at all, I wanted a more balanced approach even with my then young child. I started reading books about parenting with empathy and love. One day when I thought I was doing a great job of expressing my empathy with my daughter and using the sentences as I had read, my daughter turned to me and said \u201cmummy, please stop doing these parenting things on me\u201d. She obviously felt like a guinea pig and not deeply understood!!<\/p>\n
My heart sank and I felt hurt, sad and a little bit unappreciated for all the work I was putting in trying to be empathetic. But I slowly started to appreciate this amazing lesson and moment that my daughter had given to me. Understanding and empathy are about truly \u201cbeing with\u201d someone. I was being \u201cempathetic\u201d because I wanted her to listen to me!! This wasn\u2019t about her it was about me and my need to be listened to. How could I expect my 6 year old to give that to me? And could I truly expect anyone to give that to me? Was that fair? And if not then how could I give it to myself?<\/p>\n
How could I truly be with myself and be kind and gentle and a friend to me and my wound that needed to be listened to? Because at the end of the day I know me better (in any given moment) than I can expect anyone else to (if I choose to orient inwards). And this realisation and further reflection created an opportunity for me to hold myself (more often but not always) in my moments with her which in turn created an openness for me to be more with her and us as I was much more attuned to me. By holding myself I could then hold her more too and be more attuned to each moment. How then do we get to deeper understanding so we can be with each other and hold each other with our pains? How do we hold a space for ourselves and each other so that we can remain open to reflection and learning even if we feel hurt or remorse or shame from reflecting on our experiences? Can we create a gentleness and deep understanding with each other? Instead of reacting to experiences and merely allowing them to evoke feelings such as anger and guilt, maybe instead we can invite a wisdom of hoping for more to create a different response. Is eros and power something that exists or is it something that we are continuously creating? If we are not happy with the current \u201creality\u201d of how eros and power exist in this moment then maybe we can reflect and learn and create a new \u201creality\u201d together? I am so grateful for the beautiful opportunities that this book and the conversations that flowed from it created for me to listen and become more intimate with myself. I think this is so important as otherwise how do we enter into conversations where we don\u2019t need something but are in a position to give empathy and understanding to each other.<\/p>\n
Rather than entering conversations where we consciously or unconsciously require the other person to respond in a certain way. If I approach a man (or woman) and need them to hear my story then what invitation do I create and what space do I create for us to be with and mutually inquire? Or is there only one \u201cright\u201d performance from them to respond to what I say?<\/p>\n
If I hold myself and allow myself to flow with what happens and hold a dream of co- creation and co-inquiry then maybe I can be in the moment in a different way. It is not just about what I say or you say but what each responses invites and how I receive it and what I invite in return? I wonder whether all of us just want to be deeply understood. And if so then how do we lead with our hearts and the hoping that lives there and not just with our wounds? How do we care for and listen to our own wounds? Maybe we can care for our wounds separately and together by cocooned them in our hearts and showering them with love before inviting them to emerge in a different form as a \u201choping\u201d for something different that we can create together?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Blog by Silvie LeMuzic A group of women doctoral candidates, at various stages of our action research journeys, read Hilary Bradbury and William Torbert\u00b4s book Eros\/Power – Love in the Spirit of Inquiry together as part of our book club. We see our action research as inspiring efforts to transform what no longer works into […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1915,"featured_media":14665,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,1701],"tags":[1703],"yoast_head":"\n
Love in the Spirit of Inquiry: co-reflecting about good men. Silvie LeMuzic for Yes\/And Podcast #3 - AR + Action Research Plus<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n